Q: I am a very emotional person. At 35 years old I find that this is not going to change. How can I manage to be professional when I cry every time I get angry or upset?

A: To get a handle on your situation you can use three of the 9 Keys For Mastering Your Anger

4. Hit the pause button

Take a deep breath and hold it for at least 6 seconds. This will give you a chance to deal with the wave of emotion flooding your system. During your pause you want to instantly think of something that will help you master the moment.

Million-Dollar Question: What should you be thinking about? Keep reading and you’ll find out.

5. Change your inner conversation.

I’m not sure what you say to your self when angry, but it probably isn’t helpful. Most people are thinking thoughts that just make the situation worse.

Speaking of which, one of the most ineffective things that you could say to yourself is- “I’m not going to cry.”

There’s a good chance that you’ll end up crying anyway because you had to think about it in order to try to keep yourself from doing it. That’s nasty little head game that you’re better off not playing. And in the end it usually just gives you something else to beat yourself up about, right?

You want to think of something doable and encouraging. I’ll give you a suggestion in a moment.

6. Challenge your beliefs and perceptions

Your question clearly outlines beliefs and perceptions that you feel are true. I’ll touch on a couple of the main ones.

• “…I find that this is not going to change…I cry every time I get angry or upset…”- Beliefs and perceptions about your behavior.

Has there ever been a time when you got angry or upset and you didn’t cry? Think about it. And your answer is…

If your answer isn’t yes then think harder.

I have yet to encounter someone who does something EVERY time. If you were able to perform some alternate behavior once, you can do it again. (I hope that your alternate behavior wasn’t bashing somebody in the head!)

If you happen to be the only person who does perform a certain behavior EVERY time then you’ll have to think of someone you admire. Use his behavior as your focal point. Imagine being like him or her.

The answer to the million-dollar question:

When you hit the pause button, instantly think of yourself at a time when you didn’t cry. There’s no need to replay the entire scenario, just see and feel yourself performing your alternate behavior, the behavior of someone you admire, or both.

You can practice doing this once or twice a day by remembering a time when you wish hadn’t cried. Instead envision this scenario with desired behavior in place. Your unconscious mind can’t distinguish reality from memories and imagination.

Here it is in three simple steps:

1. Pause for at least 6 seconds and take a deep breath

2. While pausing, instantly think something like- “I’m a professional and this is what I’m going to do.”

3. As soon as the statement above pops into your head, imagine yourself doing the desired alternative behavior and then do it.

One last thing: the goal is for you to refrain from excessive crying in front of your colleagues or co-workers so that you can maintain your professionalism. But remember, there’s nothing wrong with crying. It’s when you cry that the issue.

Crying can be a healthy way of relieving stress and pent up feelings. So if you feel like crying every so often, go ahead and let it out.