As I travel around the country speaking and coaching there is a constant question that continuously comes up.

“What’s wrong with these young people today?”

That question drives me nuts. I frequently respond, “The same thing that’s wrong with the adults is the same thing that’s wrong with the students: detrimental values.”

Think about it.  This is all about exposure and students are the spitting image of the adult values they are exposed to the most.

You might be thinking

• “Hey, I don’t wear my pants hanging off of my butt.”
• “My hair isn’t pink and green.”
• “My clothes aren’t so tight that it looks like I painted them on me.”

True, but…

Kids don’t own the movie theaters, TV stations, clothing companies, or radio stations.  They don’t produce and distribute the DVD’s, CD’s, and MP3’s.

So while you’re getting angry and frustrated with the kids, remember the adults. They are the ones who put the value on the products they produce.

One day when I was speaking at a community center I saw a guy fussing at some teenagers about how they were dressed.

“Y’all need to pull your pants up. And y’all young girls got clothes that’s way too tight.”

The guy had on an old, oily baseball cap turned to the back.  He was wearing an off-yellow, grayish tank top that used to be white.  And there were so many peas in his beard that he could’ve opened a supermarket! (Translation: His beard was unkempt).

Uh…hello. What’s wrong with this picture?    

That’s no different than someone with a $20,000 home theater in his or her house, no home library, and yet he or she has the nerve to be pissed off because his or her kids don’t read and study enough.

We live in a society where it’s more important for most adults to have a home entertainment center than it is to have a bookcase.  Now that is pitiful.

But you know what? I’m through ranting for today. Here’s the bottom line-

Empowerment begins and ends with adult values.

So the question isn’t “What’s wrong with these young people today?” The question is- “What’s wrong with adult values today?”

 

 

Many moons ago, do you remember people asking you “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

 

Do you remember how easily and confidently you would respond?  Most people would answer that question eagerly and they would say whatever came to mind.

 

Doubts and limitations were non-existent.  You knew that you could do anything you wanted to do, didn’t you? You didn’t need anybody’s approval or permission.

 

You knew you could cause things to happen by taking action. Psychologist Richard DeCharms called this phenomenon personal causation.

 

Personal causation is the initiation of behavior intended to produce a change in an individual’s environment.

 

After a certain age practically everyone begins to lose his or her sense of personal causation. In other words our sense of self-efficacy is undermined. Undermined by what?

 

Statements such as,

 

·        This is too hard

·        This cost too much

·        I’m not good enough

·        They don’t want me to succeed anyway

·        If only I had as much money as so and so

·        I don’t have that kind of luck

·        I don’t have the right looks

·        Don’t quit your day job

·        Just be grateful that you have a job at all

·        This is too good to be true

·        ect., ect., ect…

 

Statements like those are the roots of a “lack” mentality and a poverty consciousness.

 

Million Dollar Question: This is too good to be true? No it’s not. It’s happening to the right person- YOU.

 

It’s a lack mentality and a poverty consciousness that leave many people standing there knocking on the door waiting for some one to answer and open it for them.

 

Sooner or later someone bold, uninhibited, and assertive comes along and stands in front of the same door. But instead of only knocking, he or she reaches for the doorknob, turns it, and walks in.

 

The door closes behind him or her and the people that are standing there start knocking again.  They talk and complain amongst themselves about how some people get all the breaks.

 

They ask ridiculous questions like, “How come he’s so lucky?” or “I wonder who she knows. Who gave her permission to go in?” 

 

These people never realize that you don’t need permission you need initiative. You don’t get a break; you create breaks.

 

To be self-empowered is to be responsible. 

 

Be responsible for your actions. 

 

Be responsible for your finances. 

 

Be responsible for your well-being and your future.

 

Emotions are arguably the most powerful force governing our behavior. Emotions are the guardians of your well-being. They are your friends and their primary objective is to ensure survival.

 

However there is an old adage that rings true when it comes to emotions. “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”

 

It is a scientific fact that if left untamed, our basic emotions (anger, joy, disgust, surprise, distress, and fear) would cause you to kill first and ask questions later. Or run first and ask questions later.

 

On an equally detrimental, but sometimes lighter note, emotions will have you shouting, crying, or jumping to conclusions first and asking questions later. Believe it or not all of this is done in the name of survival.

 

In the heat of the moment your body initially responds to a psychological attack (i.e. insults) in the same manner it would a physical threat. Think about that.

 

If emotions are supposed to be our friends, then why do they frequently leave us in a barrel of trouble? The answer is simple.

 

We are designed for survival, not diplomacy.

 

The emotional brain, also known as the limbic system, was rolling along for millions and millions of years doing what it does best: keeping us out of harms way. Then along comes the neocortex, the logical brain, to complicate things.

 

Now a person knows that if he or she can’t do physical harm, an insulting remark will often do the trick. Although it’s not a physical attack, your emotional brain still recognizes the bad intentions and responds accordingly.

 

If you aren’t careful, all of a sudden your friends could become your enemies. It takes 3-5 seconds for the chemicals that produce emotions to flood your system producing what is often referred to as an emotional hijacking.

 

In a life and death situation that calls for immediate action and there is little time for thinking, an emotional hijacking might save your life. 

 

But at the office an emotional hijacking might cost you your job. In a negotiation it might cost you the deal. In an argument it might cost you a relationship.

 

Therefore the age-old advice about counting to ten before you respond has an equal amount of science and common sense behind it.  It gives you a chance to use your logical brain.

 

So when you feel a tidal wave of emotions flooding your system, hit the pause button and access your neocortex. Joshua Freeman, a leading expert on developing Emotional Intelligence, calls it the “six second pause.”

 

I’ve found that, for me it’s even better to take the four extra seconds and go for the full ten count just to be sure.  Because it can be so costly, impulsive behavior is nothing to play with.

 

When I was growing up my mom used to always say to me, “Al, don’t let your friends get you in trouble.”